2016 has been the start of many new things for us as a family. Generally speaking, these new things have meant that we have had to meet a whole lot of new people. Like in real life. Without the social filter being applied.
When random strangers find out that I have not one, but three children, they can’t help but stare at me in shock. Once they regain their composure they generally blurt out something like, “But you’re too young to have children!”. Some people are just so freaking tactful it’s beautiful to watch.
I used to be downright offended by this. It was the same sort of feeling you’d get if someone told you that you were too stupid to be doing the job that you’re doing.
When you think about it, that doesn’t really make that much sense, but feelings don’t always make sense do they? My thought process took a long look at the route that could take this as a compliment (because you know, when I’m 50 I’m hoping to look like a 30 year old – BONUS) and instead, chose to go down the road where I second guess every step I’ve ever made. From their comment about my appearance, I obviously inferred that they were questioning my parenting ability and life choices. A logical approach if ever I’ve heard one.
Not.
But that’s really irrelevant isn’t it. The age thing I mean. There are loads of people that are pumping out babies who are much younger than I was when I pushed Kyla into the world at 22. It is what it is. Parents at 18 are learning the same things that parents learn at 40 – how to put yourself second and how to get vomit out of the couch covers.
What really blows the mind of “people” is having more than one child.
One child and people are like, “When are you going to have another one? No-one likes a single child.”
But when you do have another child, say 1 year and 2 weeks later then people are like, “Wow, you didn’t waste any time did you? They are so close together how do you cope? What were you thinking? How much wine do you drink to get through the day? You should think about covering up those dark circles under your eyes. Do you even sleep? Are you actually a vampire?”
I get it, we didn’t stick to the 2 year gap. It’s pretty much unfathomable.
And then, well then you have another kid (after the 2 year parenting approved gap as recommended by all sane mothers everywhere) and then people just can’t help but voice all their opinions, “Got your hands full there! Don’t you have a TV? Why do you have so many little versions of yourself? Seriously though, three kids, how do you do it? No really? How? I can’t manage one, HOW do you have three and still look like a normal functioning person?”
And to that I ask, what is normal and what is functioning?
Lame jokes aside, I’m often floored when people ask me this. Firstly because it means that I am giving off the illusion that I have everything under control (historically not the case – just ask any of the school secretaries who have to hound me to get anything done). And secondly because it makes me think about how we are actually doing all of this.
After lots and lots of thinking about this (prompted by the 4 million times I have been asked over the years), I have realised that there is no little secret that I can share with you. No foolproof way of making sure that things always turn out OK. No, no. We have three kids and manage it all because we have to. That’s really the long and short of it. I mean, if you suddenly found yourself waking up in a hospital bed after a horrific accident and finding half of your leg had been amputated, you’d probably take a couple of months to mourn, to regroup, to recover and find your groove, but you wouldn’t just give up. You make the best of a bad situation.
Not that having kids is like being in a horrific car accident or like losing a leg. That’s probably a bad analogy. Having a kid is more like cutting out the important bit of you heart and then letting it run willy nilly in the big wide World without your ribcage to protect it.
But back to the point – having three kids is what it is. It’s the same as having one kid, or two. You keep going because that’s what you have chosen to do. You make it work for your family. For us, that means that we have a pretty set routine and chores delegation. So here are some things that might help you decide to up your family number to the magical three:
- We stick to our seemingly random routine. If we don’t the wheels fall right off and it takes forever to get back in the swing of things
- We divide and conquer. Three kids means lots of parties, extra murals, homework and attention. But usually you are not in this alone. Seth and I divvy up all of these things in a way that works for us, or we enlist the help of a doting granny of trusted friend. It takes a village, so use (don’t abuse) yours.
- Teach your kids to be self sufficient. You really shouldn’t be wiping a 6 year olds butt. There are so many things that our children can do to share the load. And no, we’re not turning them into little slaves, just children that are capable of putting on their own shoes or throwing cereal into a bowl.
- The more kids there are, the more likely they will be entertaining each other, leaving you to finish your favourite book.
- Close your eyes when you pay the school fees. You’ll still feel the effects but at least you won’t see it.
Do you have any tips on surviving parenthood of three (or more)? I’d love to hear your handy tips.
20 comments
More than two kids mean there is always a “team” approach – we do something – not necessarily just you. I do find there is a lot of bliss in having that approach. Although not with everything – but I do think it is god for kids to realize that family is first,
Absolutely! Everything becomes about team work. The other day we had someone come over to buy our couch and the house was a disaster so we all worked together to fix it and it was just special to see them trying really hard to help us get it all together.
Cindy… Wait till you sit in Spur with you 4 and 7 year old (I was 26/27 at that stage), order a glass of much needed wine and the waitress after hearing you child scream over the menu mommy I want this and that and mommy… to please see your ID. I didn’t even have it with me and she had to call the manager to ok my glass of wine. Didn’t know if I should have been flattered or slapped her.
LOL, we should be flattered right?
I always love reading your posts Cindy. Had me chuckling along. Before we had kids it was the huge pain the butt nagging that got to me. All the but when will you have them… then we had one and he’s only 6months old but the when will you give him a sister nagging has already begun. I mean SIX MONTHS… I’ve really started taking pleasure from the awkward look on people’s faces when I reply “oh, this one tried to kill me and I physically can’t have more” it’s priceless. If you can’t be bothered to mind your own business in my family planning then this is what you get. Great article. xx
I’m so glad that you enjoy reading along, coming from a woman who writes so beautifully herself I take it as the highest compliment! LOL, I love that comeback! I think I’d pay to see their expressions after you’ve said that to them.
Aww thank you Cindy <3
Haha, it's usually just a lot of awkward not knowing where to look reactions. I'm evil!
Brilliant post! I am on the one child family plan and he will soon reach the age where everyone will just have to keep their comments to themselves because I am sure I will get the “the gap is way to big” comments… lol
Of course you will get those comments, people just can’t help themselves!
What annoys me the most is the ‘pity’…..’Better you than me’ comments…. My baby is such joy….seriously…then yes, better me than you to experience all of this!
I agree, kids can do more than we give them credit for. My 7yr old is and has always been pretty self sufficient. She used to make cereal for her brother, a sandwich, heck even wipe his bum. lol. He (4) has learnt from her and also just does everything for himself. Heck I let them babysit the baby for me when I need 3 minutes to do something. They are amazing!
I love having a bigger family…if age wasn’t against me…and the Hyperemesis Gravidarum I suffered during my last pregnancy, I totally would have had another one 🙂
I’m totally with you – if I didn’t have to pay school fees I’d totally have another one!! 😉
Having one I’m on other side of scale people practically laugh in my face for being tired because I only have one child that’s not even real parenting ?
That’s not cool, although I am sometimes guilty of thinking that when some parents with one complain. But then I remind myself that it’s all relative, having one kid is still a full time job and just as tiring.
Loved reading this – especially as we debate WHEN to have our third… x
YAY for another precious baby – you guys make the most beautiful kids so you should consider never stopping 😉
Loved reading this. For me, people keep asking me when I’m going to try for the girl when they hear I have 2 boys.
I’m still trying to convince hubby to even consider us going for the third (even if it is another boy). He’s adamant there’s not enough money but I so badly want a big family lol.
Great post Cindy! I also often get asked how we cope with the three and I would just say that taking it one step at a time and learning as we go along. Just as you mentioned, the older 2 keeps the younger one entertained. And I can promise you that it may look under control from the outside but you will soon change your tune when you come spend a day at our house…he he he
LOL exactly! I love that we all feel the same way about it all.
[…] Here’s an example. Back when Kyla was in her three year old class, our very well meaning teacher told us that she never played on the jungle gym and that all of her muscles were basically under-developed. Because of this, we should consider doing a list of at home exercises every day to help, failing this working we would need to send her to a specialist to help her. It may be obvious, but we didn’t do those exercises because, well, we just never got around to it. At that stage I had 3 kids 3 and under demanding my attention and it just didn’t make the priority list (like many other things, but we won’t go there again). […]
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