Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Tazkia Van Oordt

I’m glad that you’re back to read the next installment in our series.  If this is the first time you’re joining us – WELCOME, it’s good to have you.  Here are the other features in case you want to catch up.

Here’s a little bit of background as to why I want to do this series and why I want YOU to read it and share it with your friends.  I am one half of a mixed race marriage (if you want to read my story, check it out here) and we have had our fair share of adjusting to this new life that is often not accepted by everyone.

Besides the odd intentional racist, I feel like a lot of the hurtful comments floating around are actually just brought about through ignorance about how their words will affect other people.  Thinking only of our own personal situations with little regard for others, because that’s all that we know. So in an effort to broaden what we know, I thought I would interview a wide range of South Africans that have a variety of different situations – from mixed race couples to single race couples that adopt cross racially to couples that share the same “race” but differ vastly in terms of culture.  A bit of a mumble jumble of everything really.

So let’s get started!

If you would like to join in and be featured in this series or know of someone that would, please feel free to get in touch with me on cindyalfino@gmail.com.

I want this to be a safe space where we can share stories and encourage each other to be more accepting of our fellow South Africans of all races, cultures and situations.  So while I want to encourage you to comment and open a discussion, I will not tolerate any abusive or troll like comments here.

So tell us about yourself

I am 26. I am honest, outspoken and love wholeheartedly. I work for an Online gaming company, am a Customer Support Supervisor – am a hard worker and feel terrible for having to spend an awful lot of time at work. Having to work shifts is tough, so every little time we have, we spend with our daughter – we enjoy outdoor activities and simply spending family time, relaxing time – out and about, at home or with friends. As our daughter says – ” one day we will have a farm and have lots of animals” – our daughters dream is our dream.

Now spill the beans about your partner

Husband 29 years old. He works at the same company. He loves spending time with us…. especially with his little girl, true daddy’s girl. And like most males, enjoys his games and sports.

He comes across as a serious guy, but he really isn’t. He has a big heart, strong intelligent mind and will do absolutely anything for his family.

Give us a bit of insight into your racial/cultural backgrounds.

I was born in Philippines – grew up in South Africa, both my parents are Filipino’s. Husband born in SA. Malaysian and Dutch mix, his dad has Malaysian and Dutch. His Mom has Filipino blood too.

My husband was a born Islamic and I inverted before we were married. His side of the family is Islamic, where as mine is Catholic. However, our culture and beliefs are very much the same.

Where do you live? Does how you are “accepted” change when you visit different places?

We live in South Africa, Blouberg. Before I inverted into Islam – my father was not as accepting as my mom at first. But they have both grown to understand the decision I made and can now see for themselves that my husband is a very good man. We have been married for 5 years, and can happily say that going into our 3rd year of marriage, my parents were proud of their son in law and truly love him.

Here in SA I am happy to see and say that people are accepting when it comes to ‘mixed’ couples – we see it all around us.

Tell us all about your kids – brag a bit – it’s OK 😉

Our daughter is 4 turning 5. She is smart, creative – her imagination runs wild. She is funny, quirky and quite a character. When meeting her for the first time, she is shy – she will first observe and get a feel of what type of person you are. But once she has warmed up to you – she will be all over you!! She is inquisitive, curious and full of questions – we always try to answer all her questions as close to the truth as possible. i.e. “Where do babies come from?”

She is beautiful, inside and out. She can be a drama queen and can be extra sensitive – only because she has an extremely big heart. She loves everyone and is loved by everyone, and she always looks for the good in people. She is always happy and she shares that happiness with all those around her. She hopes to have siblings one day (hopefully soon) – but for the time being is happy with her cousins, she is proud of all her cousins and loves them soooo much “with all the stars, moons and suns in the sky” – as she says. Our daughter, we are so blessed in so many ways with her – and no words could never be enough to describe all the goodness wrapped inside of her.

How do you and your partner view race in your relationship? What kind of role does it play in your family? Does it even feature?

Race does not feature at all.

Are there big differences in your marriage relationship that are affected by your heritage/culture?

At first yes, my parents are typical ‘old school’ Filipino parents, with us getting married when I was 21 years old – they weren’t too happy about this. Other than that, nothing else.

 How have your families reacted to your relationship?

I refer to the above information I have provided – when it comes to my parents. As for his, they were supportive from the very start. As for our friends – they had our back from the word go 🙂

Do you have any advice for those new to this experience?

To keep loving and living as you should – for those who are struggling with people in accepting life today, to show them how times have changed and life moves forward.

 

Like what you’ve read here?  That’s flipping awesome – feel free to share it with your friends.  Also come hang out with me on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram where you can find us a whole lot of this – just shorter.  We share the normal things that life throws at us that aren’t edited and well thought out – just moments as they happen.