We have decided to keep Knox in Grade RR for another year.
Bit of a shocker hey? Maybe only to me. Honestly I didn’t think I’d ever find myself in this situation with any of my kids, but here we are. Right now I feel absolutely convinced that this was the right choice for him, but when we started down this road to making this decision I was not so sure.
It had maybe been one term (or beginning of term two) in his new school when his teacher pulled me aside for a brief chat. She mentioned that she thought Knox might not be ready to move on to the next grade by the end of the year. Obviously as it was early she was not convinced, but she wanted to give me the heads up.
Now before I continue, I need to just say that I adore his teacher and she has been teaching children his age for a while. She knows her stuff. Yet being faced with this information, I still felt like she was absolutely wrong. Knox is a super clever little sausage and how dare you even think he’s not able to go up a level. I guess it’s that mama bear fighting instinct we all have buried in us. Some wear it closer to the surface, but I don’t get all mama bear easily. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that it takes a lot to get me riled up.
Anyway, I wasn’t really riled up in this situation. I think I was just feeling all those feels. You know what I mean right? Feeling like I failed my child. Like I didn’t get give him enough opportunities to grow. That I didn’t help him to be ready enough to move on. I didn’t do enough. I wasn’t enough.
Flipping mom guilt.
After the initial shock of it I started mulling it over. As I do in most situations where I feel totally and completely out of my depth. I bombard my husband with all the words in the world and then in a few short sentences, he helps my brain to relax.
It was too early to get worked up about this. Instead let’s use this information to our advantage and give him the chance to get out of it. So we put him into Playball to help with his co-ordination. And then speech therapy to help with his Knoxtalk. We also ensured that he was in bed on time and all that jazz.
It got a little better but the thing is, my Knox is just who he is.
If he doesn’t want to sing in group time, he will not a damn sing in group time. He really doesn’t enjoy sitting and colouring in (or any crafty things) which is obviously not ideal. Making friends doesn’t come easily to him at school – which is surprising because in home group situations he’s totally fine. Basically he loves playing on his own in a world of superheros and Paw Patrol. Or in the sandpit. Always the sandpit.
And it’s not that he’s not smart. No freaking ways.
That kid often gives me a run for my money with his understanding of the world and the way things work. It’s just that he’s not emotionally ready to deal with the pressure of moving up a level and all that Grade R will bring.
He actually watched one of the Grade R classes and came home that day and told me that he doesn’t want to go to Grade R because he can’t do what they do.
After wrestling over the best way forward we decided that him staying in Grade RR now is better. Much better than having to do it when he’s like 10 or something and it really affects his friendships and self esteem. Now he is going into 2018 as his teachers Special Helper and he is totally on board with it. In fact I think he’s relieved, which makes me really feel like we’ve made the right choice.
I’ve read so many blogs and spoken to so many people about keeping their kids back a year and how it’s been the best decision they’ve ever made for them. So here’s hoping that for our sweet Knox it’ll work out perfectly too.
37 comments
It must have been such a good decision but I think you should trust your gut/instinct. Obviously you’ve discussed it and spoken about it at length. I’m sure that your decision will benefit him 🙂
Yeah we really hope and pray that it does make a big positive difference in his life.
All the beeeeeeeg hugs, and you’re so being the best parent. I can imagine that it’s been hard, but you’re totally doing the right thing for Knox…so that’s got to be the best thing. I’m sure this year will be amazing for Knox.
We have to do what’s best for our kids?i would have done the same
Here’s hoping it is the bet choice!
Good choice mom & dad … it’s all about what best for our kiddies and hell, who wouldn’t want an extra year of “play learn” before hitting big school!!!
Right! I’d love a year of play learning right now!
You won’t look back! We did it for my oldest son but only in Grade 1. It most definitely affected his self esteem, as young as he was, as much as we tried to ‘butter it up’ so the younger the better. The sport age groups when he’s older is affected but it is so minor in comparison to the benefits. Your Knox will be a super star!! Our Jason is ;-). Now 21 years old & happily studying Psychology at Stellenbosch, moved out of home & being all grown up & stuff!
Jeepers I can’t imagine my kids all grown up and out the house but how awesome for you! you made it 🙂 I didn’t even think about the sport thing, but I have a feeling he won’t be much into sport either. Funny little dude.
The way you described Knox is like you are talking about my little one… she is so so clever, says the smartest things sometimes (in her own little language too).. she too is in her own little world of paw patrol and ponies, struggles to socialise with other kids and will not be forced to do absolutely anything.. she has just started at Day Care after being home with a nanny since she was born… so we’ll see how it goes 🙂
I’m sure that taking her to school is going to make a huge difference in her desire to socialise. We also identified a few people in Knox’s class that we knew that he would get on with and had a few play dates. It really helped him to bond and be better with them in the school environment. Maybe once she’s settled that might help too?
Good decision. I am a pre primary teacher and asked for my son to stay in grd R and not go to grd 1. His teacher thought I was mad, but in my heart I knew he wouldn’t cope. That year he stayed behind was his best ever. He even became naughty at school, which boys should be. Hope he also enjoys his extra year.
I’m so glad that it was his best year! I’m holding out hope that this will be Knox’s too!
My daughter went to Grade RR a year early and spent 2 years there. Her teacher said that academically she would be fine to move on after one year but as time went one the age gap would catch up with her so we also decided to keep her back. She did Grade R last year and is ready for Grade 1 this year. I am happy with the decision we made because I agree with the advice that I was given by her own teacher and teachers I know that it is better for them to get a strong foundation than to have to be kept back a year later in their school career.
Totally! So glad that it worked out for you guys! Woohooo
I bet he is going to soar this year! How have his ears been since the Grommets? Just a side, my son is 4.5 and does Playball which he adores. He’s a sporty kid. They get a report at the end of the year which i’m sure you got? The only thing he ‘couldn’t’ do was concentrate for 10 mins. THAT, got me super riled up. Firstly, its an outdoor activity so what does standing still for 10 mins actually mean!? And secondly and most importantly, at 4 years old he is being labelled with the all too familiar, ‘Cannot Concentrate’ stick. I mean come the EFF on. If they cant be kids during an outdoor play session, then when can they?! No teacher has ever mentioned it, my MIL is a headmistress of a private school and never mentioned it. Anyways, that my rant over 🙂 🙂 Wishing Knox lots of happy days for 2018 x
Man I really hope so!
On the Playball note, I am so with you – I hate that everyone is so flipping eager to jump onto that bandwagon! Knox’s report had a laundry list of things that he couldn’t do – some of which I know he can so i just rolled my eyes and threw it away. It’s frustrating.
Ahhh I can imagine how hard it was to make the decision, but in the end you, dad and his teacher would make the best decision for him. I am sure he is going to thrive! I see how fantastic Sharon’s daughter has done after they made the same decision.
A very close friend had to make the same decision this year and it was really hard for her as her son and my middle kid are besties so we looked forward to being Gr 1 moms together this year. So it was harder for her in the sense that the dream she had for her son this year….has had to change. But she knows it’s for the best.
I am always stressed about that issue ahead of a teacher talking to me (a teacher has never spoken to me) because my kids are all born later in the year. My middle kid starts Gr 1 now and he just turned 6 in December. He is super smart, but emotionally I worry. I’ve spoken to the teachers every year for the last 2 years and they tell me he is fine, there’s no need for me to worry…yet I still worry. lol. This parenting thing is so hard…. Oi.
Sharon’s situation was one of the many that motivated me in the right direction and helped me to feel at peace about it.
So with you on the worry without the need to worry thing. About everything at every level. But I’m trying hard to just feel at peace about things. To know that usually there is nothing I can do to change it and we’ll just deal with it when it comes. But still there’s always that little niggle in the back of my brain.
Wishing Knix all the best for 2018 – My daughter turns 4 in May & today was her 1st day back @ school – I’m not sure who was more emotional, her or myself… I managed to keep calm until I got back in the car. She’s in a new class, new teacher… And then I find out she’s been split from her 2 “besties”. Which was so disheartening having to walk right past them and make her go sit on the other side of the room. It was hard for me to see, I hope she has a great day & all the stress is for nothing. Rant over… By what I’ve read I think you guys made a good decision for Knox, I only hope that I am able to make a decision so tough one day if it came to it! Well Done!!!
Ah first days back are not easy! I hope that she finds her feet in her new space and starts feeling at home soon!
This sounds just like my little callum, but he is so excited for grade 1 that we are letting him go, but I’m also prepared that he may well do it again next year and that’s okay, I can’t judge my little fish by his ability to climb a tree
I LOVE that saying! Of course we can’t expect a fish to climb a tree and yet sometimes it seems that schools/parents/society force kids into being something they aren’t!
I love that you listened to the teacher’s advice and Knox himself. And your own instinct once you for past the initial reaction. I work at a school and many parents either want to force the issue of letting their child go to the next level or even tàke them out. And they suffer for it later when they feel dumb not being able to keep up. Emotional readiness is so important…
It’s so easy to get caught up in that mama bear thing where your kid is perfect, but we need to listen to people who know (like teachers) and do what’s best for our kids. I’m sad that people force the issue or take their kids out. That’s awful!
We’re doing the exact same thing with Jody this year. Besides having turned 5 at the end of December last year and literally the same age as other kids turning 5 in Jan this year who are (according to WCED ) at the correct age to start Grade R in 2019 only , he too is not emotionally ready for Grade R. Hope that makes sense. And like you said better now than at a later stage.
Makes total sense. Knox is a late September baby, but I don’t think even if he was born in Feb he’d be ready to move to the next year. Sometimes they just aren’t. Here’s hoping our boys have their best year yet!
When is his birthday again. Is it an age thing at all? Just asking as my baby is also a September one, if I recall, you and Knox share a Sept bay? Your opinion?
Yip his (and my) birthday is 25 Sep. I never really had issues at school so I’m not sure it’s an entirely age related, but maybe it’s the age combined with personality make it difficult for them.
Reading your post sounded like you were describing my son. He is not in Grade RR yet but sounds just like Alex. Just a difficult decision but rather now than later.
Totally. I’d push it till he is in Grade RR or R to make the decision though, just because the lower ages aren’t really school school yet and maybe he comes around?
You know your boy and I trust you are making the right decision for him. Sometimes we beat ourselves up as Parents but I have learnt we have to trust our selves and our ability. Our kids would be better off for it. And I trust that He will
Thrive
Hugs Mama
I know you are right! We are way too hard on ourselves.
I’m glad you’ve made the decision: it will be best for Knox and for his teachers too. It isn’t easy getting negative feedback with regards to your child , and I’ve had to deal with some of that myself lately, but having a game plan really helps.
No-one knows your little guy like you do. You are doing the right thing, you know best. In a way I get how you feel… with Mikayla’s birthday being in January we also had to decide on when to let her start grade 1. Felt like such a huge responsibility.
It’s just scary if we make the total wrong choice!
[…] already celebrated Easter! Where is this year going? Anyway, we made the difficult decision to keep him back a year because of a bunch of reasons. You can read that post to find out what they […]