Every year I tell myself that I am not going to lose my chill before my birthday and then every freaking year, I lose my chill before my birthday.
What’s up with that?
It’s not like I’m upset about getting older. Not at all actually. I’m pretty happy with where I am and what I have managed to accomplish so far in this life. Maybe I would have liked to travel more (or at all), but I figure we’ll get around to that eventually. When the important work of raising kids is not all up in our faces. Plus the older I get, the more comfortable I get in my skin and the less other peoples opinions seem to matter to me. I like that.
So what then? Why all the feels?
Well, after a lot of feeling junk and not knowing why, I had to sit down and have a think. Over tea. As you do. All my serious thinking is done over tea. Coffee is for waking up. Which I have to do at least 5 times a day. But not tea. Tea is reflective, don’t you think? Especially when you have buttered Salticrax with mature cheddar to enjoy with it. Mmmm, now I’m hungry.
Anyway, back to the thinking of things.
So I think I have all the feels because there are these expectations sitting deep inside my heart. I like to make a big deal out of birthdays and so I kind of hope that the same will be done for me – without me having to do it for myself or without asking for it, if you know what I mean?
But it’s not like Seth doesn’t try, he does.
So again, why the feels?
Maybe I’m just projecting my expectations unrealistically. Being too selfish. Wanting too much. Maybe wanting a birthday “month” is a bit too ambitious (I mean let’s be honest – it’s totally ridiculous. But thanks to all the social media friends who do this regularly and get it right so they make me think it’s a legit thing to want). So we’ll stick to birthday “weekend” or maybe even just birthday “day”.
Yes, that’s exactly what we’ll do. Party on Saturday with all our friends and family and then on Sunday we celebrate with a special family lunch.
Gosh darnit, writing is the best. I already feel better about it all.
Going to attempt to snap myself out of it and plan an epic Paw Patrol party for Knox (and myself).
Let’s do this thing.
10 comments
Gosh, but I know how you feel. Except I go in the other direction. I want “things” attention/no attention, presents/party etc., but I also don’t want it. So I go into hiding, plan nothing and am then secretly disappointed with the precisely nothing that happens each year because of it. Why are we so hung up on the birthday thing?! Anyway, good for you for going ahead with the planning and party. You’ll feel wonderful at the end of it all, and everyone gets to show how much they love you. 😀
I know exactly what you mean – usually my default is to do exactly that and then get cheesed off when nothing happens. It’s so upsetting. But sharing a birthday with Knox really does give me a good excuse 🙂
Cindy, birthday month is so a thing. In our family it means you’re the one who gets to pick where we’re eating out/pick the dvd’s etc [if we do those that month]. So it can be done. Your birthday weekend plan sounds like a win, and I hope you get all the origami birds you want on your wall for the family lunch.
I love that idea of picking all the little things! I think I need to enforce this with my family – although Knox and I both get Sep and Ri and Kyla have to share July to so it might get confusing. But i’m sure we can make it work. I’m planning on just making my own birds and hanging them on my head hahaha
But birthday’s are supposed to be made a big deal out of, isn’t it?!?!? Saying that, my birthday has never been made a big deal out of, not since I turned like 9 or something. The idea of a family lunch after the party day is a great one!
Absolutely! I’m with you in thinking it’s supposed to be a big deal
I totally get you. I’m the same! For me, birthdays are a big deal so I always make an effort for those closest to me, to make it special for them, with surprises and pressies and good times and stuff. But the person I rely on to do that for me, my husband, simply doesn’t get it. He doesn’t enjoy it. Like he doesn’t even get why having a present on my birthday from him is a big deal, why I can’t just wait a few weeks till he gets round to it. Birthdays for him are just important and I land up feeling all neglected and anxious as my birthday day looms.
It’s so annoying though. I hate feeling like this especially when I should be feeling excited!
Birthdays are a BIG deal and I have these exact feels every year – especially because I am like you and always make it a big deal for other people! Sometimes my expectations are too high and then I can only get let down… Now I go in with minimal expectations so that I am always pleasantly surprised x
How do you lower the expectations though? I try and try but I just can’t help but hold onto some remote hope that it will work out well.