Reflection

Coming back from a holiday is always a little bit tumultuous isn’t it?

It means packing up the remnants of the fun you’ve had – sandy towels, wet bathers, a single shoe who seems to have left its partner buried in the sand and at least 15 loads of laundry.  It means saying goodbye to the friends and family that you shared the time with, leaving only memories and the need to download 500 photographs.

It means herding over tired children into the car (a bit like what I would assume it would be like to herd 3 angry jungle cats into the sea) and watching them fall asleep even though you really didn’t want them to.  It means back to regular programming – no more sandy toes, coffee overlooking the sea and spending time together at our leisure.  It’s time for early mornings, quick cups of coffee in between meetings/deadlines and squeezing in time to really focus on each other.

For me it means that I now have to face all the things that I was putting to the side.

Yes, I know it’s possible to plan for these things and be totally in control at this time of the year.  Have all the presents bought and wrapped, teachers gifts handmade with love (and still looking good) and a diary that isn’t overflowing with things that need to be attended.  I know it’s possible.  But it just doesn’t seem possible for me.  I’d like to think that in another life I’d so organised that I’d have this waxed, but right now, that ain’t me.

I wing it by the seat of my pants and for the most part we pull through, even if it is at the last minute.

Always the last minute actually.

It just seems that whenever I want to be productive then life throws crap at me.  We were broken into, then our geyser stopped working and then we were broken into again (this time the garage while we were sleeping).  It just feels like this year is pulling out all the stops to make me beg for next year to start already.

Anyway.

I really enjoyed being away this past weekend – even though it feels like months ago already.

Having limited wifi and external input from social media was really great.  I was content, happy and enjoying myself albeit a bit sick (yip – you give your body a short time to rest and it’s like BAM, take this flu thank you very much).  Funny now that I am home and have had the chance to catch up on all that I missed while I was away, I’ve started to feel like I am not enough.  Not doing enough, not experiencing enough, not parenting well enough, not being organized enough.  I hate feeling like that.  Some days I can shake it and other days it clouds every thought with self doubt. Urgh.

It’s the end of the year.  I’m sure of it.